Remembering Ryan by unknow

Author:unknow
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Croí na Tine Publishing, LLC
Published: 2021-01-03T06:00:00+00:00

2

Jesse

My grip on the mountainside wasn’t sturdy. With the rain petting down, I had to fix my hold on the slippery rock.

I dangled with one hand on the rock jutting out right below the ledge. I couldn’t believe I tripped over the edge. I’ve done some stupid things, but this might top them all.

Even under duress, I knew one thing, I was in a position too low for someone to reach me with their hand. Countless minutes were spent in futile with me maneuvering my body to try and swing up and over. I learned quickly that it wasn’t going to get me anywhere. It would only increase my risk of dying faster.

Knowing I had no other option, I gave a command to Digger. The command I swore I’d never need when Charlie taught me how to use all of them.

I promised myself that it would never fall from my lips because I’d either be strong enough to fight the PTSD of my deployment, or I’d end it all, no questions asked.

Now that my life teetered in the balance, I wondered if I had been mistaking myself all along. The beating of my heart only confirmed my fear in dying.

So, why did I have the thoughts that I did? Why was I burdened with feeling the pressure of not existing?

My mind hadn’t been healthy for a long time. It was only in recent discoveries that I learned one woman started making me feel more and more like the old me.

Charlie’s smile and quiet tendencies were what I sought for daily. Ever since I found her again—after our rough introduction at her and my brother’s engagement party—I hadn’t wanted to let her go.

Charlie was even more guarded than I was, and I knew that came from Jon. His philandering ways broke the kindest of us all.

Even after she left him, she opened up to give me a place of refuge. I came to her farm as a promise to my sister to buy a service dog. I should’ve known then that she had something up her sleeve because she had always loved Charlie.

Now, I did too. I fell in love with my brother’s ex-fiancée. I came to buy a service dog from a stranger, and I never left the ranch when they needed an extra hand.

Telling myself I only did it to keep my mind busy wasn’t a complete lie. Though, seeing that familiar face doomed my fate to stay. Charlie was trying to do it all as her mother faded more and more.

Her grandfather wasn’t a young gun anymore, and the old coot has become a favorite person of mine when he tries. He made me laugh more than I ever did before my tour in Afghanistan.

It was these new memories and friendships that held me together when the PTSD tried to trigger me. When the darkness came for me, I remembered what Charlie taught me in the well that fretful day.

When we stood on the outside of it, there was only a dark hole.

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